Sanctum
by denofsin
Summary: After 100 years, Edward's gift is beginning to be more of a curse. He finds it difficult to be around his family and is nearly always alone. What happens when he meets a mysterious, sad, and broken vampire named Bella, whose thoughts he cannot hear. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! This is a new project that I am starting! I got this idea and I just kind of went with it. I'll still be writing Rock Bottom as my first priority. So tell me what you think!**

* * *

The sun was just coming up as I walked through the front door of the house. It was quiet inside; I couldn't place anyone in the house. It was cool out, so I assumed that everyone else had gone out to hunt and I really wouldn't expect them to wait for me. They never knew where I was and I was off on my own most of the time.

I walked to the stairs and climbed them, taking my time. I could tell that the others had just left, so I had a good 15 hours to myself before anyone came home. I liked the silence. It was peaceful, reliable. No one clouding it with thoughts of death, murder, sex, money or anything else that I didn't want to hear. This kind of silence let me enjoy the music I listened to, or the books I read. I could even hear myself think; that was always the nicest change.

I reached my bedroom, closing the door softly behind myself and I made my way to the bed and lay down. I sighed. Even though I didn't use the bed to sleep, sometimes being sprawled out on it and just letting my mind go was one of the best feelings I could ever have. I looked at the ceiling for a few moments, tracing the patterns with my eyes and just letting my mind relax. I heard the birds outside, and the wind rustling the trees. I finally let my eyes droop closed and let my mind go into auto-pilot.

It had been getting harder and harder for me to be around people. I stopped going to school with the others, opting to stay home or just take off for somewhere secluded for days at a time. After over a hundred years of hearing the voices, things were starting to take a toll on me. Carlisle said that this was probably good for me, the seclusion, and even suggested that I take some time for myself away from the family completely. We had enough houses in the world that I could live comfortably away from people to be happy. But I chose not to. Even though I didn't see my family as often as I once did, the thought of being away from them completely didn't sit well with me. I liked having them around, available for advice or even just the simple companionship.

I tried to stay out of the house during the night as much as possible. Being the only single member of the family, listening to them having sex was the worst thing for me. I couldn't block it out and I had often forced myself into physical pain in attempts to get away from it. I was hardly a prude, either. I'd had my share of women throughout the years, just to stave off the loneliness. Hearing the thoughts of a lover had its advantages and disadvantages, but I always felt the most intrusive in those moments. It was awful to hear that they didn't like it, or even that they did, when it was something so intimate inside ones own mind.

It had been so long since I had been with someone. But recently, it had been too hard to be around anyone let alone a companion. Knowing their thoughts at all times began to wear on me, and I rarely had anyone for very long. They always found it difficult to be with me as well. Knowing what they were going to say before they said it, all the insecurities they felt when we were together, they all began to resent me for it.

I sat up and made my way over to the audio system I had in the corner of my room. I hit the disk changer a few times and let it play, wanting to be surprised by the music that would fill the room. The machine clicked a few times as I made my way back to my bed and reclined once more. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No.2 began to float through the room and I sighed happily and settled in to my bed a little more deeply and let the music wash over me. I could spend hours like this, just listening to piece after piece. Music was another reliable constant. It never judged or resented, it just danced through the air, sounding the same to every person, regardless of preference.

I spent my nights out wandering or hunting. On clear nights, I usually went to small clearing near a rock face that looked out over the river. I would lay in the grass and read, or simply listen to natures music; the rush of the river, the sound of the crickets, and how they all blended together to create their own symphony.

The clearing by the river was my favorite spot. I spent most of my time there. I usually went at night, but on a rare sunny day, I would go there and lie in the grass and let the sun warm my skin. It was in those moments that I felt like a normal man; enjoying the sun while my thoughts wandered. There were no voices, there was no blood lust, just a man lying in the grass enjoying the sunny day. I loved the way the heat felt on my skin, for I had been cold for far too long. I barely noticed the shimmer in my skin anymore, and I mostly ignored it; it was just another reminder of how abnormal I was, of how alone I was. Sure, there were others like me, but it was hardly a comfort. I couldn't be near any of them any longer.

I must have been musing longer than I thought, because my silence was broken by Alice's light thought.

_Edward._

I sighed. My calm was coming to an end as the others were about to return. Alice usually came ahead of the others to alert me to everyone's return so that I could prepare. I got along with Alice the best of all of my family. She saw the future, visions of what was to come. She understood the turmoil that I was under, a prisoner to my own gift. I saw her visions too, which wasn't always bad. It was a nice change to listening to Emmett thinking about ways to get Rosalie to have sex with him on the hood of his car. The visions were always unexpected and slightly exciting on occasion, and it was a nice break in the monotony.

I stood from my bed and shut off the CD player. I made my way back downstairs and to the back door just as my family entering the back yard. I stepped out onto the deck as Alice began to ascend the stairs. She smiled softly at me.

_Hello, Edward. How are you feeling today?_

She walked to me and rose up as far as she could to kiss my cheek. She couldn't quite make it, so I smiled and leaned down a bit for her to reach. She kissed me and leaned back, raising her eyes for an answer to her question.

"I'm all right. Not too bad today. At least not yet." She smiled sadly and waited next to me for the rest of the family to join us.

I felt like my family walked on eggshells around me, as if I was some sort of H-bomb that threatened to explode if handled too roughly. They all treaded lightly around me, trying to control the volume and content of their thoughts when I was around. They tended to forget when I left the room that I could still hear them. For the most part though, they tried not to address me with their thoughts. They tried to speak out loud when in regard to me, Alice and Carlisle being the only exceptions.

"Hello, Edward, dear. Did you have a nice day to yourself?" Esme was in front of me now, smiling at me kindly. She struggled the most with my unhappiness. I was her first "child" and she desperately wanted me to be happy. I tried to assure her often that I was okay, even though both of us knew it wasn't true.

"Yes, Esme, it was very relaxing, actually." She smiled brightly, knowing that I was telling the truth, and she smoothed her hand over my cheek.

Rosalie went into the house without greeting me, which didn't surprise me. She had taken to just ignoring me since I began to struggle with my gift. Everyone worried about me, thought about me, tried to make me the most comfortable. Rosalie had loved being the center of attention, but that had ended, so she regarded me with distain. I hardly cared. One less mind I had to worry about, as I had recently been able to, for the most part, block her out. When I knew what her thoughts were going to be, it was easier to anticipate and ignore them. That fact comforted me slightly.

Emmett greeted me with a squeeze to my shoulder as he followed Rosalie into the house. He didn't like the way she regarded me, but she was very headstrong and he was eager to please. Emmett and I had gotten along the best of my brothers, he was always there to cheer me up of make me laugh in an effort to get my mind off of things. But the harder it got for me to suppress the thoughts of the others around me, the farther we drifted apart. He was still my favorite brother and still made attempts to make me happy, but he tended to stay away from me, knowing that his thoughts were the easiest to set me off. He tried the hardest to censor himself, but he couldn't change who he was. I didn't blame him, I wasn't even angry with him, but he didn't understand that. He thought I hated him for the thoughts he had.

Jasper smiled at me, feeling my sense of ease at the family coming home. Jasper could sense emotions and had been one of the first to alert that family that there was something wrong with me. The tension I felt was reaching a breaking point, and Jasper had alerted Carlisle that there was something very wrong with me. Even now, he was usually the indicator that things were getting hard for me, and I needed the time alone. He often suggested times when I needed to get away from every one; he could feel my tension better than I could at times. Jasper took his place next to Alice.

"You didn't hunt last night." Carlisle observed, glancing at me.

I shrugged. "I didn't really come across any game last night, so I didn't go out of my way. I'll do it tonight though; my throat is starting to burn."

Carlisle regarded me for a moment before nodding. "Edward can I speak to you in my office?"

I wondered briefly why his mind was closed off and he had asked me verbally, but I shook it off. Carlisle turned to go inside and I glanced at Alice. She rolled her eyes.

_He's going to ask you if you want to leave again. You are going to tell him no. _

I smiled at her.

"Alice." I heard Carlisle's stern voice. We both glanced up to see him looking at Alice, slightly perturbed. "I told you to refrain from communicating mentally with Edward. It's not good for him."

I stared at him, my anger growing.

"I'm standing here, you know. I'm not a complete invalid." My head began throbbing, and my anger began to boil. "Just, _Jesus_! I understand that it's hard to be around me but I'm not a fucking atom bomb. You don't need to treat me like glass."

"Edward," Carlisle started his mind reeling with apology, but I cut him off.

"And, I'm not leaving. I don't care. I like it here, and I _want_ to be around this family, and yes, it is difficult, but I would rather endure it and have everyone act normal than every treating me like I'm going to explode if you _think_ too loud. But, you want rid of me, than I will go."

With that, I stepped off the stairs and headed for the woods. I wouldn't actually leave, but I just needed to get away from the situation. I knew that Carlisle was just trying to be helpful, to make my life easier, but he just _wasn't_. It was making me feel worse, like I was a burden to everyone, and I didn't want to be.

"Edward," I heard him call.

"Let him go, it's not worth it. He will be back in the morning." Alice assured him.

I took off through the woods, attempting to put as much distance between myself and the house. My own thoughts were whirring through my brain and I was desperate to get away from them as well. 15 minutes ago I had been perfectly calm, my mind relaxed and the thoughts of my family had left me unaffected for the first time in a while. But now it was all gone. My head throbbed, and even though I was alone, my ears rung as if someone was screaming in them. I ran until the sun was setting behind the trees. I assumed I was somewhere in Canada at this point, and I knew I should hunt and start back. I wanted to spend the night in the clearing in an attempt to relax my mind.

I located a herd of deer, taking 3 down quickly and drinking from them. I leaned against a tree once I was through and closed my eyes. I inhaled deeply in an attempt to calm myself but it didn't seem to be working. I was still angry, but not as much. A dull ache seemed to linger, the feeling of always having to restrain myself, of always having the others walking on thin ice with me. An eternity of that seemed less and less appealing, even after a century.

I hoisted my self up off the ground smoothly and made my was south once more. I didn't run as fast this time, not really caring when I got to the clearing and then subsequently when I got home. Alice would know where to find me, but she wouldn't divulge that information to others. She knew I wouldn't want to be found, especially not tonight.

When I reached the clearing, the moon was high in the sky, the air slightly humid and the wind was blowing softly, rustling the trees gently. I felt myself calm considerably the moment I broke the tree line. The clearing was bathed in moonlight, so I made my way towards the center and lay completely on by back. I just shut off and tried to clear my brain.

How had things blown up so quickly? Why did Carlisle suddenly feel the need to reprimand Alice in front of me? He had always understood the way Alice and I got along. I was never really bothered by her thoughts of visions going through my mind, unless I was already having trouble handling the thoughts around me. And Carlisle had seen that I was in a good mood when he had returned home. I grew slightly angry at him again. I wasn't some sick child that didn't understand my illness. I understood what was happening to me better than Carlisle ever could. I went to him for guidance, but I didn't need him treating me like he treated me today.

I'm not sure how long I was there before I smelled the scent of another approaching. I couldn't smell it distinctly, it wasn't close enough, but I simply assumed it was Alice, coming to check up on me. I sat up and waited for her to get closer.

But as the creature approached, the scent was unrecognizable. It was softer, more flowery, and I tensed, sensing a stranger and waited for them to make themselves known. I waited a few moments before I saw her, standing slightly off my left, in a closer patch of trees. Her red eyes locked mine and she seemed terrified at the sight of me. I didn't move, just gazed at her, still as I could get. She seemed to grow curious as she watched me, looking me over before sitting down in the grass just inside the clearing.

I didn't hear any thoughts from her, and I assumed that maybe she was too frightened to be thinking much. I couldn't understand why she looked so terrified; she was just as strong as me. Nomadic vampires were rarely frightened of coming across another. It tended to be a good thing, finding some sort of interaction for the first time in a while. I decided to introduce myself in an effort to calm her.

"I'm Edward." I offered softly, not trying to startle her.

She sat silent for a moment, and I grew more confused. Why couldn't I hear her? She surely had to be thinking something.

Finally she responded; her voice soft but lovely.

"I'm Bella."

I couldn't help but be openly gaping at her now. Not simply because she was beautiful; dark haired with alabaster skin, but I heard completely _nothing_ from her. I was so confused and delighted, but at the same time, almost put out that I couldn't hear her thoughts.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" She asked, her voice wavering slightly. She seemed afraid to begin with but now I was scaring her more with my staring.

"I'm just confused by something. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I began to relish in it, in a completely different way that I had in the past. I wasn't alone. There was another one of my kind not 50 yards from me and I could still be at peace. No blaring thoughts to overwhelm me, just silence and still in the company of another.

"Why are your eyes that color?" She asked suddenly. I was so lost in my thoughts that her question caught me off guard. I wasn't used to being surprised when it came to questions.

"I don't drink human blood. I live off the blood of animals." I was used to having to explain this concept to nomadic vampires. None of them understood.

"You can do that?" She sounded genuinely curious, and I almost smiled at her. Few were interested in why we drank animal blood; they just thought we were insane.

"Yes. It's not as satisfying, but it suits me just fine."

There was silence again as I could see that her brain was trying to work that over, but I couldn't hear it. It was still in complete amazement.

"Am I bothering you?" Her voice seemed shy, and she had her bottom lip between her teeth.

I nearly laughed. Bothering me? How could she ever bother me when I felt so at ease? I never wanted her to leave my sight.

"Hardly. I more than welcome your company, Bella."

She smiled softly and got up to move slightly closer to me. She was still about 15 feet from me when she sat down again, but it was close enough. I noticed as she moved closer to me that she was petite and she wore a soft blue dress, whose gauzy material both floated and clung simultaneously. Her skin glowed in the moonlight, her long dark hair spilled over her shoulder haphazardly. I let my eyes linger over the soft swell of her breasts and my mouth watered slightly. It had been far too long since I had know the company of a woman. She wore no shoes and looked like she had been traveling for few days, but she still looked like Aphrodite in the flesh.

When I looked back to her face, she seemed to be regarding me in the same was I was regarding her. I smiled at her when her eyes found mine once more. She looked down as if in shame. That confused me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to look at you like that with out your permission. I didn't mean to upset you if I did."

I was utterly perplexed. Why would I get upset with her? I wanted, and not for the first time since she appeared, to read her mind and understand it.

"Why can't I _hear_ you?" I mumbled to myself, slightly annoyed.

Her red eyes snapped to mine and now she was staring at me in a rather bewildered expression.

"Hear me? What do you mean by hear me?"

I looked away, not really sure if I wanted to divulge my gift. She seemed sweet and innocent enough, and I was eager to keep her company.

"I have the ability to read minds. I wouldn't call it an ability, more of a curse at most times. But I cannot read yours."

"You can read minds?" She scooted a bit closer.

"I can, except for yours. It's very relaxing actually."

She smiled at me now, her face lighting up in her happiness.

"I have a gift, too. It's why I was changed I think. They thought I would be gifted, and I was."

She seemed proud but at the same time, when she had mentioned 'they', there was a distinct fear in her voice.

"What is your gift?" I was curious now. I had never met another vampire, outside of Alice and Jasper, which were gifted.

"I can shield others with my mind, from other vampire's abilities. It took me a long time to realize I had it. It made them unhappy when they thought they had been wrong."

She mentioned 'they' again, and I was growing curious as to the fear that intruded upon her voice when she mentioned them.

I was about to ask when my cell phone rang, startling Bella.

"Shh, it's all right, it's just my cell phone."

I answered it quickly, so the ringing would stop frightening her.

"Yes, Alice?"

"Will you please come home as quickly as you can? I won't say why, I just need to you to come home."

"Is everything all right?" I was alarmed now by her tone.

"Everything is just fine; I just have some news for you that I won't tell you over the phone."

"Ok, I'll be home soon."

We hung up and I was really confused now. What on earth could be going on?

"Who was that?" Bella asked; her voice soft and almost sad.

"My sister. She wants me to come home for some reason."

"Home? You have a home?"

"Yes, I have a family of 6 others, whom I live with there. Would you like to come back with me and meet them?"

I saw sheer terror strike through her eyes. She backed away from me in her fear.

"That many others? I won't go with you, please don't take me with you!"

I was startled by her fear and quickly tried to calm her.

"It's fine! You don't have to come with me. I was just trying to make you feel welcome. I won't make you do anything that you don't want to. Bella, please?"

She stopped moving and relaxed. Her chest seemed to be heaving and she was still eyeing me warily.

"I'll go. It's fine."

She seemed to be afraid again.

"Wait! Please, would you see me again? Here?"

I stood and moved towards her slowly.

"That would be lovely. I promise I won't hurt you."

She stood as well, looking into my face for a long moment.

"I know that."

I smiled gently at her, pleased that she seemed to trust me a bit.

"We can meet here tomorrow night if you'd like?"

She gazed around the clearing before looking up at the moon. It made her skin twinkle softly. I was becoming more and more drawn to her by the moment.

"Please don't tell anyone about me. I'm just not very trusting of others of our kind."

I nodded but asked, "What about me? Why did you stay?"

She smiled at me, and the look she gave me made me feel warm.

"You looked kind."

* * *

**I also am going to need a beta for this story, if anyone is interested! **


	2. Chapter 2

***peeks head out of hole* Um. Hello there. In case you were wondering, I do realize it's been 5 months since I've written anything for my stories. And no, I'm not dead. I'll just let you read this update, and you can suffer through my nice long A/N at the end of this chapter. **

**PS: this story is still unbeta'd (I did it myself for now) so I'm sorry if there are many typos :|  
**

* * *

Alice was waiting for me as I made my way though the trees near the house. When she saw me, I was immediately assaulted with a graphic vision from her mind. Bella's face flashed before me, her skin bathed in moonlight, her head thrown back in ecstasy. I heard her moan in my head, her lithe body writhing beneath me in the supple grass of the clearing.

The vision abruptly ended and I had to lean back against the nearest tree, panting. The image seemed to play over and over again in my head and I couldn't get it out.

"Oh, Edward! I am so sorry! It came on when I saw you! I'm so sorry you had to see that before I could warn you." Alice was rushing to me now, her small hands pressed softly to my face. I closed my eyes to inhale deeply, steady my unnecessarily breaths. I tried to think about anything except the vivid image of the beautiful and tortured woman I had just encountered. I needed to not let it thrill me as much as it did.

"I'm fine, Alice." I took a slow breath to finally steady myself. "It's fine."

Alice looked me over a moment longer before she pulled her hands away and smiled coyly at me. "She's very beautiful, Edward."

I made a face at her. "Is this why you called me away? To tell me she was beautiful? I noticed that on my own, Alice, thank you." I wondered if I turned back now, if I could find her before she got too far away.

She cocked an eyebrow at me before responding. "Don't even think about it, she's already out of the country. She will be back tomorrow night, though. And no, I didn't call you away just to tell you that." Her mind seemed guarded, and I didn't even try to pry.

"Well?"

She huffed, clearly wanting to be dramatic.

"Something horrible has happened to her. I can't figure out what, exactly, but she is quite damaged. All I can see is flashes of her in pain." I saw these flashes of Bella, bound, crying out in pain; her lovely face contorted in anguish. "I called when I did for her best interest," she continued, her eyes distant, seeing the same images I was. "If you had stayed much longer, I saw her having a sort of panic attack. I wanted to make sure she would see you again." Alice looked at me and let the images fill my head.

I saw Bella, her flawless face contorted in fear as she cowered away from me in terror. I cringed, physical pain actually shooting through my body at the sight her fear, being caused by me. I saw her running from me, disappearing into the woods.

"She wouldn't come back," Alice stated sadly. I nodded, understanding. I wanted her to come back, and Alice understood as well. She looked up at me once again, her smile devilish.

"It seems you are going to be very glad that you listened to me and came home. You seemed to look happy in that vision before." She was giggling at me.

I groaned and turned to go back to the house. Alice was still laughing, showing me more images of Bella and I together, laughing in the clearing, laying together under the stars. I had to smile to myself; I certainly did look happier than I had been in a long time.

_What makes her different? How can you stand to be so happy with her?_

Alice's thoughts were gentle, as she trailed behind me. Her thoughts also held a slightly jealous tone to them. I stopped in my tracks and turned to face her.

"I can't hear her," I replied, feeling the peace wash over me at the memory of being near her in complete silence. But it was short lived as Alice's mind began to reel at the implication.

_Why?_

I had an idea of why, the shield she had mentioned was perhaps the reason, but I chose not to betray her every confidence within five minutes of being with Alice. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I really don't know and I welcome it at this point."

Alice didn't say anything else as we walked back to the house together. I knew she wanted to ask and prod me for more information, but she chose not to rupture my happiness, knowing just how fragile my emotions tended to be. She was ecstatic for me, but I really couldn't see why she was as happy as she was. I had only just met her tonight. Who knows if she would actually come back tomorrow night? She could change her mind between now and then and I would never see her again. A pain pulled in my chest at the thought of never seeing her lovely face again; of being the presence of this creature and being at complete ease with myself. A more primal part of me mourned the loss of seeing her in the throes of passion beneath me.

I shook my head to clear those thoughts. I couldn't be sure they would ever happen and there was no use dwelling on them. I wanted to know her, to know her thoughts and hopes and dreams the way a normal person learned. I wanted her to be too shy to tell me something and feel the frustration of not knowing why she wouldn't tell me. I wanted to learn everything about her.

Alice's gentle thought interrupted my musings.

_Carlisle feels horrible, Edward. You should go talk to him when you get into the house. You know he means well._

I heaved a sigh and nodded at her. The past few years had been like this with Carlisle and I. He was always trying to protect me, and sometimes it was overbearing. I guess that's what made him so much of a parent to me. I didn't always agree with what was best for me.

He had been my companion for 20 years when I was first changed. We had developed a special bond, like father and son, but so much different than that. He was a brother to me, a best friend, and a confidant when I needed one. There was nothing we didn't tell each other in those early years. For him, I was a respite from the loneliness he had faced for centuries. For me, he was the only other one of our kind I had known. Esme came along and the dynamic changed, but Carlisle and I were still very much the same.

But as things began to change with me, when I began to resent my gift, things changed between Carlisle and I. I started to avoid him, to be angry with him. I saw the pity and pain he felt when he saw my own pain. It killed me inside and was almost the worst thing to endure when I was with my family. After a while, I began to hate him. I blamed him for everything that went wrong with me. I blamed him for changing me, for sentencing me to an eternity of pain and suffering and blood lust. I blamed him for being so educated and still unable to help me. I accused him of not caring enough about me, and of caring too much at the same time.

Fights like the one we had earlier were very common in the recent months. I snapped at everything he said to me, and he tended to get angry with me for everything I did that might strain my fragile hold on myself. I felt smothered and lashed out at him, only to regret it later and apologize.

We were almost at the house when Alice placed a hand on my arm. I turned and found her smiling softly at me.

_I want you to bring her clean clothes. She looked like she had been traveling in that dress for ages. Will you do that?_

I smiled and nodded. I wanted to do anything I could for the seemingly helpless creature. I wanted to ease her suffering and make her feel safe again. She was like a frightened kitten.

I entered the house and Alice flitted up the stairs to find Jasper, I assumed. I was just turning to make my way towards Carlisle's study, I heard him call my name from the day room.

_Edward, I'm in here if you'd like to talk_.

I resisted the urge to sigh. Carlisle was always trying to make things easier on me and most of the time, I was grateful. Other times, I just felt patronized. At least he was using his thoughts to communicate with me. That was an improvement.

I entered the day room to find Carlisle sitting in the high backed chair in front of the large bay windows that faced south, a book in his hand. This room was mostly windows and was by far the loveliest room in the house. I often felt most relaxed here, and I suspected that's why Carlisle had come here for this conversation.

I sat down on the window seat in front of him and I looked at him, waiting for him to make the first move. I was feeling stubborn and was not going to fold first.

_I would like to apologize to you, but I'm sure Alice has already told you that._

A small smile crept on his face as he glanced at me. I simply nodded.

"Edward, I shouldn't treat you like you are made of glass. But I do. I can't always help it. You are the first and therefore you will always be different to me. You know me better than the others and I just feel like it's my job to watch over you, now more than ever. You don't understand the extent of the _guilt_ I feel. I brought this upon you..."

"Stop."

He looked at me, desperate and visibly upset.

"Please stop beating yourself up about this. It's in the past and irreversible. I've long since forgiven you. I haven't resented you for this for a long time, Carlisle. I just need some sort of...respect, I guess is the word. I've learned to cope with this as much as I can. I know what I can and cannot take, and when I can't, I remove myself. I know there are times where I push myself, and times where it's harder for me, but I'm trying to improve. I'm trying to make it better. I can't live like this forever, Carlisle. I have to relearn how to be around the family if I want to stay. I _do_ want to stay, please understand that."

He looked at me and nodded.

"No more hiding things until we explode at each other?"

I grinned. He was my best friend again.

"Of course. I'll tell you when you start to piss me off next time."

He rolled his eyes and went back to reading the book in his lap.

I stood and patted him on the shoulder before I escaped to my room to pass the hours until I saw Bella again.

***

The sun had set hours ago when Alice came and knocked on my door.

I had been whiling away the hours listening to music and just trying to get my brain to shut off. It was hard, being as excited as I was to see Bella again. I felt like a young boy for the first time in over a century. It scared me, quite frankly, to have my happiness so invested in someone I had just met and had only spoken to for a short time.

It was always harder to shut off when my family was home. Emmett and Jasper had been playing an intense game of Texas Hold 'Em all afternoon, in which Jasper was cheating mercilessly, inciting Emmett into extreme confidence in his hand. Alice had been playing dealer, which _really_ was unfair, but Emmett seemed to hold his own, surprisingly winning five hands. They were playing loudly and I was borderline in agony at their game. The only thing keeping me together was the promise of refuge in Bella's presence.

I turned off the sound system when Alice knocked and called her into my room. She entered carrying a blanket.

_I wrapped a new dress for her in this blanket. I figured no one would ask questions about why you were leaving the house with women's clothing if they couldn't see it. _

She looked at me and snorted, a vision of me in a yellow, floor length dress standing in the living room while Emmett stared in horror.

I growled at her and she laughed louder, dancing out of my reach as I lunged playfully at her. She jumped gracefully onto the bed and smiled at me, her hands on her hips.

I sat down and looked up at her, letting my nerves get the better of me.

"I'm nervous, Alice."

She smiled and sat down next to me.

_I know you are. It will be okay though, Edward_. _Just be yourself, she will want to know you for who you are. And you will get to know her for who _she_ is, not just who she is based on her thoughts. Enjoy it._

I smiled at the thought. "I'm looking forward to that the most." A thought struck me. "Does Jasper know?"

She looked at me and sighed.

_I didn't tell him, but he knows something is different. He told me he could feel your ease and happiness more strongly than he can feel your despair and unhappiness when you came home today. He also can tell I'm keeping something from him, but that's hardly anything new, to be honest. I don't think he's putting the two together, so he hasn't asked me what's going on. He will though, especially as your moods begin to change. _

I nodded, knowing that I would have to disclose Bella's existence at some point, if we ever got that far. I was terrified to let myself hope I would ever get to that point.

I took a deep breath to settle myself and stood.

"I should probably get going. I'm going out of my mind at this point and I just need to get outside."

She nodded and walked to the door, picking up a red plaid blanked that was folded tightly. She handed it to me, smiling and then winking.

_I picked a color that I thought you would like on her. That blue dress she was wearing seemed to..._excite_ you, so I stuck with blue. _

I rolled my eyes at her but smiled.

"Thank you. I will see you when I get home."

_I would suggest that you leave through the window, just to avoid any questions._

I smiled. "Thank you."

I tucked the blanket under my arm and walked to the window, sliding it open and turning back to Alice once more, grinning.

"Oh, and try not to call and interrupt this time."

***

It was just nine o'clock when I broke through the tree line of the clearing. I had run quickly in order to get there before her, wanting to relish the quiet of my sanctuary before she arrived.

I unfolded the blanket that Alice had sent me with and found a soft blue dress laying in the center of it. I smiled and picked it up gingerly, placing it at the corner. I stretched out on the soft flannel fabric, sighing contentedly at the stars above me. My nerves had calmed somewhat and I was trying to calm the giddy eagerness that now threatened to consume me. I pictured her face in my head, smiling at me. Even though I hated myself, I let my mind picture Alice's vision of us, writhing in my meadow, Bella's lips parted in a cry of pleasure as I groaned into her throat.

I groaned out loud softly at my thoughts, knowing that now was not the time to be indulging in those fantasies. Bella could be here at any moment, and the last thing I needed was to be aroused when she showed up.

I sat up and ran my hands over my face, trying to regain some composure. When I'd finally calmed down, I noticed the soft, flowery scent that I knew was Bella start to permeate my senses. I smiled and closed my eyes, relishing once more in the silence of her presence. I looked around the clearing eagerly, waiting for her to emerge from the trees. I was about to turn and look behind me when I saw her step out from behind a tree to my left.

She caught my eye and smiled, ducking her head and walking at a human pace toward me. Her long hair was pulled into a messy braid that hung over her shoulder, and her hands twisted in the end of the plait as she walked toward me. Her long, blue, linen dress shifted against her legs as she approached me, and I noticed a few rips along the hem. Alice had been right about giving her a new dress. Her eyes were a little less red, I noticed as she got closer, and I wondered when she had hunted last.

When she reached the blanket where I lay, she stopped and smiled softly before kneeling at the far edge of it, near the dress Alice had sent.

"Bella." I greeted her, my voice soft. She was more beautiful that I remembered.

She glanced at me quickly, a shy smile touching her face as she averted her eyes. Her eyes landed on the dress that lay next to her and she looked up at me curiously.

"I brought that for you. I wasn't sure how long you had been traveling or anything like that, and I thought that you might need a new dress."

"You brought this for me?" Her voice held utter disbelief.

"Of course. I just thought maybe you would want something to change into. I'm sorry if I offended you or anything."

"No!" she seemed to startle herself with her tone and she started again in a softer volume. "No. I just, no one has ever given me anything before." She looked at me and her eyes held gratitude. Then they turned skeptical.

"How did you know what size to bring?"

"Uh. I guessed?"

Her eyes narrowed and then widened. "You told someone."

My mouth fell open. I didn't want to lie, but I was worried to break her confidence. I hadn't really had a choice in telling Alice.

"I promised I wouldn't say anything about you. Actually, my family is more than a little concerned that I'm actually leaving the house to wear that dress."

She looked at me for a moment before a laugh bubbled out of her mouth. My still heart soared at the sound, her genuine laugh lighting up her face.

She reached out and pulled the dress toward her, fingering the material fondly. There was a delicate beading along the bodice which I hadn't noticed. I couldn't wait until I could see her wearing it.

"Thank you, Edward."

"It will look lovely against your skin." I complimented, immediately wondering how she would react.

She ducked her head, clutching the dress to her chest.

"Tell me about your family," she requested softly after a moment, still not looking at me.

I moved slightly toward her, wanting to be nearer to her.

"What do you want to know?"

She finally glanced at me, her clear red eyes boring in to me.

"Just tell me about them, please? I haven't had a family since I was human."

I was itching to ask her about her human life and everything about her, but I refrained, knowing that she wouldn't answer. Not now.

"Well, my...sire I guess you would call him, is named Carlisle. He's my best friend and my closest companion since my change in 1918. He has a wife, named Esme, whom Carlisle saved about a decade after myself. I have two brothers, Emmett and Jasper, and two sisters, Rosalie and Alice. Emmett and Rose have been married since the 40's I think and Alice and Jasper have been married since the 50's."

"Married? Why aren't you married if you have been around longer than your brothers and sisters?"

I ducked my head. This had been a question many had asked me. In all my years of immortality to date, few understood my resistance to a mate. Even nomadic vampires at least had that. I was an oddity.

"I just never found anyone I wanted in over ninety years of this existence," I stated quietly. I knew her question had been innocent, but it still struck me inside. I had never really felt lonely, often seeking to be alone. I only felt lonely now that she had asked.

She was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry. Have I offended you? I was just curious, I didn't..."

"It's all right. I get asked often, no offense taken." I smiled to assure her I wasn't upset. She seemed to eager to apologize at all times, always afraid to have angered or offended me. "I quite like being alone, in all honesty. Except now, when I am with you. Your presence here with me is most welcome." I smiled a bit wider as she ducked her head in embarrassment at my shameless flirting.

"It's been so long since I've been around one of my kind." She had a sense of longing in her voice, but it was quickly gone. I knew from her behavior and lifestyle that her exile was now her own choice, a necessity. I understood that more than she knew.

"May I ask, where you have come from? When you were human." I clarified my question so she didn't get upset. I wanted her to tell me about her humanity. I wanted to learn everything there was to know about her, and I hoped she would tell me the facets of her mind.

She didn't answer for a long moment. Her eyes fell once more the dress in her lap, her fingers twirling around the delicate straps. I stared at her straight nose, her soft white skin which held a hint of freckles she had as a human. There was a gentle breeze in the clearing, and a few strands of hair that had come loose from her braid swirled around her neck in the most inviting fashion.

"I was born in England in 1877 and changed in 1894, here in America, in Northern New York. I don't remember much of my human life at this point, but I lived on a farm with my father and mother. I had a younger brother named Alexander. We were here on a bit of a holiday when..." She stopped abruptly and stared at me, the breath seeming to leave her lungs. Her body began to shake and she stared at me pleadingly, but I was at a loss for what to do.

I reacted in an effort to soothe her. I moved forward and pulled her shaking frame into my arms, cradling her head to my shoulder as she sobbed. I realized about a second too late that this probably hadn't been the best course of action, given her fragile trust, but she didn't pull away. Her arms came around me and she clung to me, burying her face deeper into my shoulder.

I lost track of how long I held her before her body settled. She pulled back to look at me, her eyes fearful and full of remorse. I stopped her before she even started.

"Don't apologize. It's my fault for asking; I should have known better. _I'm_ sorry. Please don't feel any sort of guilt for anything you have done in my company. Ever." My voice was gentle, but firm. She nodded at me and pulled back to extract herself from my embrace. I was reluctant to let her go, having not been able to fully appreciate the feel of her against me in her moments of anguish.

She didn't move far, however, she simply pulled back to rest in front of me, her knee brushing against mine as she pulled her knees to her chest.

We were silent for a long time. I began to star gaze and point out the constellations to her, even if she wasn't listening to me. I wanted her to know that I wasn't going to hurt her or become angry with her, like the people she had known in her frightening past.

After a long stretch of silence, her soft voice broke through the air.

"Edward?"

I turned and gazed down at her face. Her eyes were deep and lovely, even in their unsettling red color. Her skin looked creamy and soft, not hard and cold like it should be. I wanted to feel her skin. I wanted to her know her skin.

She looked at me, seemingly lost in her own explorations of my own face before she spoke again.

"Can we really survive without drinking from humans?"

Her eyes were eager and hopeful at the prospect.

"Yes,. I've lived this way for about eighty years."

She seemed confused.

"Eighty? I thought you said you had been a vampire for ninety years."

I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair, before gazing out into the moonlit clearing.

"I, well." I paused. "I lived a...more traditional vampiric lifestyle for about a decade after my change. It's often referred to as 'the Edwardian Rebellion' in my family." I glanced sideways at her and she was grinning at me, clearly amused by the nickname of that era in my life.

"Why? Is drinking from animals awful?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No, that's not why. I just felt as if I was denying my true nature; denying what I really am. I tried to do good with what I had, though, I killed the scum of the earth, the murders and thieves of the world."

"Why did you stop?"

I turned to look at her, shrugging. "I realized there was a better way. It wasn't the first choice of our kind, but it was the best alternative. I struggled for a long time with what I am, and living this way is the easiest way for me to live happily. Or as happily as I can manage."

She glanced down once more as she digested the information. I wondered how she would react to this kind of revelation about her existence. I felt as if I was missing a limb with my inability to hear what she was thinking. I loved it.

Her eyes moved back up to my face and she took a deep breath.

"Will you teach me? How to hunt animals?"

Her question startled me. She wanted to try this already?

"Are you sure? You don't have to do this now, Bella. I don't want you to think you have to change anything to please me or have me spend time with you."

She shook her head at me, her eyes sad. "I don't want to be a monster anymore. I want to become more than what I was forced to be."

I wanted to pull her into my arms again; wanted to kiss her beautiful face. But I didn't. I took the opportunity to spend even more time with her and her quiet mind.

"How does now sound?" I asked with a smile.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Hi. Read Me. **

**Ok, so it's been a really long while and I sincerely hope that I haven't lost _all_ of my readers at this point. Just quickly, I had a car accident the day I last updated _Rock Bottom_ and I just have had a pretty intense writers block since then. I told myself I would take a one month break to heal, and one month turned into five. I've started to get a few emails and PMs from people wondering where I've been and it's actually been really encouraging to know that people missed my stories. So, here I am. _Rock Bottom _is not dead, I promise. My inspiration for that story kind of... ahem... broke up, so I've been at a loss of how to possibly continue it. I know how the story goes and ends, but it's still like "Wow, fml" kind of thing. I hope to have that updated before the New Year. This story is going to be a little more regular, I've had a recent jolt of inspiration for it, so I've been just trying to go with it. **

**So, again, I hope that you all don't hate me, and that you still want to read my stories. Just drop me a review to let me know if you hate me or not, lol. **

**Thank you so much,**

**Erin  
**


End file.
